Raccoon Hands

by Raccoon Hands

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1.
Yonder Haint 02:42
My brother takes, and he found love And so I've been wondering: Though I give, O God above, Are you god of my suffering? Bury me in the poor child's playground I'll wail all night and pace all day There's no soul left to be found No soul left to save Take my body, and carry me Lean me up against the stone Soon enough, those left will see You stole my gold and left my bones. Unrest, my soul. I will lead you home.
2.
I saw a guy open-carrying in Walmart, it was the safest that I felt all week. I felt the need to subdue myself, so I deprived myself of sleep. Breaking myself and staying down, since I heard you bless'd the meek. I'm from the South, I know what I'm about. I'm hurt but I'm not weak. The mountains speak to me. The mountain's beckoning. The mountain, at its peak. Mountains below my feet. Watching you pregame, and breathing, and smiling, and playing hide and seek. I spent my whole life riding lows, but I love the smell of weed. I stand at the back so I can see you but you can't see me. I'm not afraid to scream, but I'm terrified of the words that might mislead.
3.
Where were you when my grandmother died? Why was I never close with my dad? Why'd you make a deal with the devil, and Job lost all he had? We ask the hardest questions, and the answer is always prayer. The answer is always "don't question God's will." The answer is always fear. The answer is never "love your neighbor" unless prove of your love makes you better than them, because hands in name-brand sleeves break bread on the same street as a camp where the homeless starve to death. I hear the way the congregation only ever talks. I promise you mom, the Lord is my shepherd, but I have abandoned the flock.
4.
I wake up in the morning and I look outside, I can't too long because there's fog on the window. I think back to the night I thought I'd die. It's not your fault, for a year didn't nobody know. I reach out every day and I don't know why. I'm running out of hands for my friends to hold. I'm running out of tears for my friends tonight And I can only smile when I'm not alone. I wake up in the day and I don't know what's real I breathe but I don't know what I can control. But I know that I can feel When the sun is on my skin and when I pull the knife slow.
5.
There is no love deeper than the love I'm in. I have fallen madly for my own sin. I've been running around in circles; I'll end where I began But I'll see things I wouldn't have if I had never ran Sorry I scared you when I tried to be funny I know it makes it harder to love me It don't seem like it but I'm doing my best To quiet my mind, and let your heart rest. You had said that you were ready; my heart was bared. But you were mistaken, and you became scared. I want to die sometimes, sometimes intensely. I don't want to breathe quite so frequently. Just because I'm aware, and just because I know why, Awareness don't make me not want to die. So I'm sorry I scared you when I tried to be funny I know it makes it harder to love me It don't seem like it but I'm doing my best To quiet my mind, and let your heart rest.
6.
I see the light of god in the edges round your silhouette But don't think for a second that I'm ready to forgive you yet I would follow you to anywhere if you would ask You can see what I look like when I take off my mask There's a different smell in the air When I'm about to go home And I'm thinking about all the things I must have always known I got nothing to hold on to; nothing to fear I'm not as close to God as I was at this time last year Everyone keeps asking me if and why I believe We don't need heaven if you stay beside me Today I can't shoot steady I can't win for losing But I've got the future and hills made of black eyed susans The cities in my mind are burning into ash If music be the food of love, then dig it from the trash Rage will fill the spaces where there is no law The hand of God is a raccoon paw

about

Written over the course of at least five years. Occasionally an exercise in hyperbole. "I'm terrified of the words that might mislead."

credits

released May 3, 2019

recording/mixing: corgi
samples: shitpostradamus, brett green, No Country for Old Men
photo subject: moses cone

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all rights reserved

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about

Raccoon Hands North Carolina

folk/emo/punk from so-called "north carolina"

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